Brenda awoke with a sore back. It was time to flip her mattress over. As she did so she came upon a sheet of paper which she had forgotten about. Months ago, she had read somewhere though she couldn’t remember where, to write down what she was looking for in a man and place it close to where she slept.
This had been just one of numerous techniques she’d put into practice since Max had left. She recalled the conference she’d participated in. Being Capable to Love had been given by a very handsome and well established man who’d written several books on the subject. She had been appalled to see how many people had been at the conference. Over three hundred and not even a sprinkling of men. What a disappointment that had been because in truth her number one motivation in paying money she couldn’t really afford had been in the hopes that there (perhaps even sitting next to her) she would meet Mr. Right.
For the weeks after she had signed up for the conference she had anticipated daily this encounter. Each day of anticipation adding to the next until that’s all she could think of. Alas, instead she had found herself swallowed in a sea of women, many younger and much more attractive than her. The instructor, filled with confidence and a smile that made Brenda swoon instructed them to write down the complaints they had about the people they had dated.
Brenda had bought a notebook with little red and white hearts on the cover especially for this conference. Although at this primitive stage of Brenda’s dating career there had been only a handful of men she’d dated she had no trouble filling an entire page with complaints. They ranged from not intellectual enough for her; too selfish in bed; too selfish period; unable to hold a job; bad teeth; had other girlfriends on the side just to name a few.
After that conference she continued to put enormous amounts of wasted energy in trying to attract Mr. Right into her life. For awhile, she had applied the principles of The Secret in which she visualized Mr. Right starting from the color of his hair to the kind of shoes he wore (no unlaced sneakers). She had also contacted a medium on the internet and had gone to see a clairvoyant who had told her to recite three times a day for three weeks a mantra regarding how she was opening herself to a long lasting relationship.
None of this had worked.
And then there was the list. Brenda turned over her mattress; sat on it and read over her list.
-Nothing less but a soul level commitment, although now she had no idea what that precisely meant.
-Younger than she was so that it would feed her ego but not too young to make her feel old.
– A writer, preferably one who is highly successful. By that Brenda had in mind a New York Times Bestseller author with perhaps a movie being made of one of his books. She was disappointed to learn that Stephen King was happily married.
-Available physically, emotionally and mentally sane
-A man who wants to spoil her
-Loves to travel in luxury style
-Spiritual but not into cults or shaved heads and bare feet
-Communicative but not hogging the conversation
– Physically attracted to her even when she has a bad hair day or her face breaks out because of her period
-Likes to play sports
-Doesn’t expect her to be good in sports
-Kind to all people including waitresses who are not responsible for the backup in orders
-Works out but not fanatic
-Likes music but not hip hop
-Has had a stable relationship in the past
-Between 5’9 and 6’ tall
-Does not get angry easily
-Brings out the best in her
-Interested in her work and will even help her succeed in it
-Gets along well with her son
-Shows affection but knows when to back off
-Is confident but not arrogant
-Has friends but doesn’t spend time drinking with them
-Has a nice apartment and clean sheets on his bed
-Is a good listener
-Finds her interesting
-In good shape
-Close to her age (between 35 and 45)
– Drives a nice car and will let her borrow it and not get mad at her if she happens to nick it
-Clean shaven (no long scraggly beards)
-not too dark skinned (but could be Indian or black)
-Has hair (but not blonde or too short)
-Has a Phd or equivalent
-Speaks English, French and maybe Spanish
-Lives close by
-Wants to commit and is capable of doing so
-Likes the arts
-Is responsible towards his children
-Likes classical music
-Likes nice wines
-Faithful and loyal
-Likes hi-tech gadgets and knows how they work and can fix her computer when it crashes
-Handy around the house
-Is a happy person
– Keeps similar work hours as she does
-Doesn’t keep her waiting for him to call
-Does not find talking about make and fashion shallow
-Doesn’t cut her off when she begins to speak
-Doesn’t have foam at the corner of his mouth
-A great kisser
-Materialistic but not too much
-Doesn’t take drugs
-Is not an alcoholic
-Does not have a beer belly
-That their sexual union be a form of spirituality for both of them although Brenda didn’t know quite what this entailed.
-Secure with himself
-plays a musical instrument (preferably the guitar)
– Has bad boy look but is really sweet
– Has a good laugh
-Likes dogs (but not big ones like Grey hounds)
-Not messy but not fanatic either
-Is madly in love with her.
Brenda considered her list. Maybe, as Campbell had pointed out, she was a tad too picky. With this in mind she started to streamline her list and then went back on the internet with an enormously open attitude towards finding Mr. Right.