Brenda Live Online

Things were looking bleak for Brenda. She missed her best friend, Campbell, still practicing doing nothing at the ashram in India. If only she were here to guide her in this dismal labyrinth of finding a mate. She’d already gone through all her friends’ brothers, cousins, friends of friends and distant relatives and had come to the somber conclusion that the men other people thought would be great for her only was indication of how little they knew her.

What else was there to do but go on the infernal online dating site going through the riffraff that posted their profiles there, with their self-important portrait of themselves as if they were of sovereign stock. How much more of this drivel would she have to endure?

It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. Still, Brenda with her positive attitude kept up her faith and trust with the determination of a Joan of Arc.

His name was Murray. There was a sullen look about him bringing to mind images of a life ruined by too much drabness. A voice deep within her screeched, are you that desperate to which she swiftly replied, I must be.

Besides, she reasoned, you couldn’t count on the accuracy of a photo. Not everyone was photogenic and some people looked even better on a picture than in life.What counted was what was inside the package. Based on her motto of not judging a book by its cover she pursued conversation with Murray. They went back and forth on the petty dialogue regarding how long each had been on the dating site; how long they’d been divorce and how old were their children. Then out of nowhere she read this from him, “I really like sex.”

The tea Brenda had just taken a sip of spurted from her mouth. She had been around the block long enough to decipher the codes men used in order to get her under their sweaty sheets. Words such as I’ve never felt the way I feel about you clearly meant I feel horny as hell and I’m at the point that I don’t think I can control myself because I haven’t had sex for a long time.

But no man had ever been out-front as Murray was in this manner, especially after such a curt and unstimulating conversation. She was taken aback not to mention irritated by having wasted time with such an uncouth animal.

She didn’t know quite how to respond. Her experience with online dating had clearly shown her that the world was filled with creatures who lacked decorum and she was not about to toss herself into that spiteful pile. She’d always prided herself on her ability to show politeness towards everyone and especially to those who themselves lacked courtesy for they were the ones whom she most felt sorry for. They were the ones who were in most need of her example of savoir vivre.

She fought hard to restrain herself from expressing her disgust towards Murray when this message from him appeared on her screen: Do you have a webcam on your computer? I’d like you to show me your breasts.

This was enough and throwing to the wind her belief that more was to be gained from honey than vinegar her fingers wildly ran across the key board. There was no stopping her. She no longer cared about her sense of dignity that she had worked so hard to cultivate. You’re truly a pig she wrote. I’m not an escort service. There are sites for that. Sites that charge she added. She was on a role. Murray was to pay for all the men in the past who had misused her trust and kindness and vulnerability. She filled an entire page of inane adjectives describing – in her own words – your nauseating kind.

Quickly before sanity changed her mind she pressed the send button and turned off her computer.

Brenda felt victorious.


About Carol Balawyder

Hi- I am the author of Mourning Has Broken-A Memoir on Grief, Getting To Mr. Right, Missi's Dating Adventures and Suzy Paradise. You can follow me on my web site I look forward to reading your comments and getting to know what you are involved in.
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2 Responses to Brenda Live Online

  1. Geralyne says:

    Carol Ann!
    I almost fell on the floor laughing over this post. I could hardly get past this line: “his sullen look…. bringing to mind images of a life ruined by too much drabness.” So utterly hilarious!
    And I have to say that I really enjoyed Brenda’s moment of insanity – except that I would have loved to be able to read the page she filled with adjective to that nauseating kind.

  2. Thelma Mariano says:

    Oh my God – it gets worse! Why is Brenda subjecting herself to more?

    Show me your breasts? And they haven’t even met?? I too would love to see some of those expletives. They must be colourful.

    A very funny posting.

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